“I am unable to describe exactly what is the matter with me. Now and then there are horrible fits of anxiety, apparently without cause, or otherwise a feeling of emptiness and fatigue in the head … at times I have attacks of melancholy and of atrocious remorse.”
— Vincent Van Gogh to his brother Theo
“My fear of life is necessary to me, as is my illness. They are indistinguishable from me, and their destruction would destroy my art.” - Edvard Munch, who painted The Scream while trembling after the inspiration for the image came to him in a vision.
It’s no surprise that science has found a multitude of connections between anxiety and the life and practices of the artist, leading us to believe that, during such a bizarre social period as the pandemic we’re experiencing now, our arts community would be comprised of a bunch of nervous Nellies witnessing each other puddle up and dissipate over and over at socially safe intervals of at least six feet.
Not all arts professionals have responded negatively to the forced quarantine, however, as several have found themselves leaning into the solitude social distancing provides. Jasper talked with a handful of Columbia, SC - based literary, visual, music, and culinary artists to find out how they’re both measuring and managing their anxiety and, hopefully, to glean some life hacks from those who are coming out on the upper side of calmness, goal direction, and mental health.
“It is hard to imagine anyone that hasn’t experienced some increased anxiety,” says Bruce, a visual artist. He goes on to explain where his lack of serenity comes from. “Partly I worry about myself and partly about the future of arts related businesses - the galleries , non-profits arts organizations, the whole support structure really.” Sheltering in has impacted the artist economically, as well. “I had two solo shows lined up for next year that seem to be in an indefinite holding pattern.”
Another anonymous visual artist agrees, “I’ve got way more anxiety than usual, which I have to say feels a little impressive considering how high strung I am on a normal day. It was really bad in the beginning of this. So bad I couldn’t function in my studio because of the constant existential dread. Eventually I motivated myself to make things again by offering free paintings to friends and collectors who donated to food banks.”
The fact that artists and anxiety can go hand-in-hand is nothing new. History is replete with anecdotes and actual accounts of artists suffering from emotional, and sometimes clinical, disorders with critics and observers attributing both artistic successes and failures to how well one manages the demons they lock up or allow to roam freely. It’s easy to think of Robin Williams, Sylvia Plath, and Vincent Van Gogh. But think also of Lady Gaga, Oprah Winfrey, and Stephen Colbert, all of whom exemplify successful careers despite anxiety and other emotional baggage.
If anxiety is a daily factor in the lives of so many artists under normal circumstances, how do we cope when normality gets turned on its head during something as extraordinary as a global pandemic hitting in the middle of a climate crisis, without any semblance of effectual political or cultural leadership from the state or federal level?
“I feel more anxiety now. The back and forth vitriol is toxic,” says one visual artist who identifies a sense of anger coming from outside normal frustrations over health, illness, and economics. “People are making this political because that’s all they seem to know how to do these days. Perhaps if the federal government gave any sense of security people would not feel the need to know it all. Sanitizing everything, not knowing if I have it, hoping I’m not infecting my family is stressful.”
The chef and co-owner of a local restaurant says, “As this quarantine has dragged on, I've definitely caught myself lost in some very grim thoughts. I've had work nightmares and anxiety nightmares related to worries about my family. It isn't to the point where I feel debilitated by them, but it isn't good.”
While typical anxieties run the gamut from fears about feeding our families to insecurities about our own senses of professional stamina, many of us find ourselves anxious about what we can’t control, but even more so about not knowing what is waiting for us on the other side of the current situation.
Musician Christopher may explain it best, “I am not sure if the anxiety I am experiencing is tangibly greater or less, on the whole, but it is distinct. Having the time and flexibility to be able to practice, and organize my life around my practice schedule has been extremely liberating. This being said, I am not certain if I am more anxious about the Orwellian nightmare of wearing masks and distancing myself from others, or those who do not take part in the appropriate preventative measures despite pervasive warnings. The other day,” he explains, “while driving to the store, I felt an unsettling urgency to drive as fast as my car would take me, to which I did not succumb. Perhaps trapped or confined are better adjectives to describe parts of my experience than anxiety; a dichotomy comprised simultaneously of extraordinary liberation and confinement.”
But others are finding that, as time passes, so does much of the anxiety.
According to one writer, “I’m definitely more anxious, though I calmed down after the first few weeks. It was too easy to catastrophize and obsess about “what if” scenarios..”
How has she come to manage her stress?
“Three things: Structure to my day, volunteer work, and exercise.” she says. “Having somewhat of a schedule, like a set time to get up, get dressed, and go work, etc, has helped normalize things. And by go to work, I mean stagger downstairs to my writing nest to write, coffee cup in hand. Doing volunteer work with the Mutual Aid Midlands group has also been a huge help. I’m not just sitting around fretting about the virus, I’m doing something, and that’s gratifying. I also find exercise, even just walking, to be a good outlet.”
Gardening, baking, cooking, and cleaning out all the proverbial junk drawers in our lives are effective ways to manage the buzzing of anxiety bees, but once the family is fed and the house is clean, where is one to place her extra energy?
According to Christopher, “I have been diving into my work as a teacher, and spending copious amounts of time practicing, reading, and exercising. I am uncertain as whether these practices manage my anxiety or simply divert my attention away from anxiety provoking thoughts.”
Bruce says the same thing, “Painting has always been for me like a drug. When I get as far as picking up a paint brush, I’m pretty well under-the-influence at that point.”
Interestingly though, not everyone is experiencing waves of doubt and anxiety about what the future may hold. In fact, some of our colleagues have almost welcomed this time of reflection.
Ginny, who is a visual artist and a retired educator, says she feels less anxiety than during pre-Corona days, admiting she now feels “a peace without the demands of an appointment filled calendar and the hustle and bustle of every day. It’s given me uninterrupted time to reflect on how I want to live and how solitude plays a significant role in my life in a positive way.”
Christopher, our musician, recognizes “a greater connectedness to what is happening around me. It is rather easy to find oneself in a rut while all is normal, but being detached from normalcy has provided me the opportunity to be able to prioritize my attention and, more broadly, my time, interests, and aspects of my vocation.”
Other artists recognize a silver lining from sheltering-in unlike anything they’ve experienced before.
“My time at home has really transformed our living space, which is a good, wholesome feeling. I feel like I've been useful and productive,” says our chef.
A visual artists adds, “I have ALWAYS wanted to work from home. As a single parent I have always known that I would have to work a job in order to meet mine and my son's needs, but it has at times made it difficult (not impossible, just difficult) to be a working artist as well. However, this new experience of working from home has heightened my creativity because I'm getting the day job done and the mom-tasks done and I am finding more time in my day to create and market my work. I feel almost embarrassed by how well I have adjusted, but I should add I'm not an overly social person to begin with so this wasn't as huge a shift for me as it's been for others. ”
A local writer agrees. “I don't need much contact with anyone, just as I've always suspected. Contact with community is vital, but I feel the urge to read and write more, and to sit and stare outside more than I need to associate with people.”
And a local playwright and academician shares his own personal silver lining. “Less anxiety, much less,” he says, noting that “the sleep I'm getting is like nothing I've ever experienced. It's going to be hard to give it up.” And closing with a special source of joy - “‘hangin' with da wife. Turns out she's good company. “
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Jasper wants to know HOW’S YOUR HEAD? Are you more stressed or more at peace than you were pre-Corona? What have you learned from sheltering in and how does that effect the way you see your future? What’s your theory? What will we do with all these epiphanies and new-found realizations? How can we BE BETTER? Shares your thoughts!
Further reading: https://thecreativeindependent.com/library/on-dealing-with-creative-anxiety/
https://artplusmarketing.com/why-anxiety-is-the-handmaiden-of-creativity-5a3e8c6e1a96
https://culturacolectiva.com/art/social-anxiety-paintings
https://www.tjwalshtherapy.com/blog/whats-the-link-between-anxiety-and-creativity
Cindi Boiter is the editor of Jasper Magazine and ED of the Jasper Project. She keeps her menagerie of demons on their best behavior by writing, giving reverence to the trees and wildlife that want so desperately to live healthily in the Muddy Ford woods, and 50 mg. of Zoloft once a day.